WHY, Not WHAT.

For as long as I can recall, I’ve been working with teens on some level.  As I was exiting my own teenage years, I stepped into a mentor role for youth that has remained a passion and a calling on my life.  I don’t foresee that passion or calling ever changing.

Those years for me were like most people’s ascent into adulthood:  an emotional shit storm lined with occasional fluffy clouds and blue skies of irresponsible fun and poor choices you didn’t get busted for.  In addition to the typical storms, there were natural disasters also going on behind the scenes that most people didn’t see that made the weather of this stage of life even more tumultuous for me and my family.

The aftermath of sexual abuse from multiple abusers heaped a special kind of destruction that left a tremendous amount of clean up for the adult years.  Once given enough time under fair weather skies, the deepest pain throughout all of the abuse was exhumed and examined.  Ironically, what felt like a death, brought forth new life and it gave me a gift that I feel compelled to share with the world, despite the fact that much of the world does not want to hear it.

Society is shut down and numb, yet suffering like never before.  There are many people with similar stories to my own out there, and far worse, who either don’t remember or are disconnected with their own story of sexual trauma….and there are more of them than most might think.  And then there are those who have never experienced sexual trauma.  It has become my observation (in most cases) that, unless you have experienced sexual trauma personally and are willing to connect to that dark part of your story in order to rise from the ruins of it (or have had some quality training and education on how sexual trauma effects a human being, especially in the developmental years), you are at great risk of contributing to the further demise of a young person who has already suffered greatly and unnecessarily.

It happens all the time.  A young girl or boy is neglected, gets molested or abused in some other way.  Or maybe they lost a parent to death, jail or addiction.   Either way, it is more than any child can or should have to endure.  They act out because they have no idea how to process or communicate their pain, anger or fear.  Somehow, they are expected to know how to navigate through incomprehensible agony by adults who have quickly forgotten what it is to be a powerful, child of God in a young, fragile human body and emotional mind.  We (adults) heap pressure on them to “act right” in order to make us feel good about ourselves or because we don’t want to have to deal with the drama of a child with unmet needs.  We won’t tolerate any “bad” behavior from them.  We might mean well.  But we fail these kids so tragically so often when we only look at what’s happening on the outside.  We are sometimes their last life line and yet, how many times have we – teachers, parents, neighbors, coaches, pastors, etc.-  lacked the ability to see them through God’s eyes in order to see the WHY instead of focusing on the WHAT?

There is no such thing as a “bad child”.  We all pretend to know this, but we are still so quick to gossip and judge other people’s kids who are doing things we don’t approve of…things we may have done at another time and place or things our own kids are doing that we may or may not know about.  We unknowingly teach our kids to call the pregnant middle school girl or the high school girl with the bad reputation names without asking what or WHO might have possibly gotten her there.  There are far more cases of childhood sexual abuse than most people are aware of.  We complain about how kids act these days…the lack of respect, the way they are always on their phones, and so forth.  Call me crazy, but last time I checked, WE, the adults, are the ones at the steering wheel, so why are we faulting THEM?

I believe everyone has a wellspring of good inside of them and most people mean well and want the same things for their families, their communities and this world.   Despite the good we may all possess, we cannot afford to rest on our good intentions and the fact that we pay our bills, tithe now and then and meet our kids’ basic needs. I don’t claim to have all the answers to all the problems.  But I know one thing for certain…WE NEED THE EYES OF GOD in a desperate way.  We, as a society, are failing our kids…kids who are quickly becoming adults who will either raise the vibration on the planet or lower it.   If we can only see them through our own stories, our own limited understanding and our own opinions, we are alldoomed to repeat painful cycles of mediocrity and joyless lives in the upcoming generations.

Our children are taking their own lives, suffering from obesity, depression and anxiety.  They are over-medicated, often times unnecessarily.  They are reaping the affects of the greed of big food and big pharma companies attempting to pass off poison as healthy products for the purpose of keeping them medicated, addicted and in need of health services they wouldn’t otherwise need.  All the while, we adults are numbing out, on reality TV, alcohol, drugs, Facebook, overworking or whatever our own drug of choice may be because we don’t know how to stop the Tsunami that is consistently gaining height and momentum.

How many many of our children may have a sensitive, empathic spiritual gift that feels like a curse instead?  If those gifts are not honored as such, they will view the very thing that makes them unique and perfect as a threat to their basic survival.  Rejection is a very real fear that equates to death on many levels and in many cultures.

Our children are over-exposed to intense pressures of perfection and under spiritual attack by the music and media of our culture that is constantly violating their truth and authentic beauty.   If I had a dollar for every time I heard teachers and other professionals preach to my kids (or other kids) about college, grade point averages and homework, I would be as rich as the corporate dicks who have our government in their pockets for their own disgusting agendas.  I’m not saying those things are not important, but if we can stop long enough to look a child in the eyes and ask some questions before we speak, we might learn that SAT scores and scholarships are not an acceptable solution for a child who secretly feels that death is a better option than college.

As I said, I do not have all the answers.  But if we don’t start looking at WHY our children are making certain choices or behaving in certain ways, the WHAT will continue to be a cancer to our society.  The only real cure is love.  The question is…What kind of love are we putting out into the world these days and can we do better?